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The Original Barbie
lyrics by Sally Tomato
music by Carlos Severe Marcelin
it was just another saturday
and i had nowhere to go and nowhere to play
i went into my bedroom and looked upon the floor
there was ken and barbie nothing more.
so i looked at ken and i said,
"how about getting barbie naked?"
so we slipped off her nice little white shirt
(the one with the red tie)
and slipped off her blue spandex pants.
she had nothing on underneath
ken's eyes got wide
and i said ken-doll, there's something missing on your bride
he didn't even notice and he didn't have a clue
but i thought i knew just what to do
i said ken look at barbie she's missing some nips
i say ken, let's put some pins in barbie's tits
sticking little pins - sticking little pins
sticking pins in barbie's tits
her eyes got wide and her mouth flew open she said,
"but what about him he's missing something too!"
barbie said, "there's nothing on ken for me to screw"
ok girlfriend what are we going to do about him now?
so i took my gum out of my mouth and rolled a couple little balls
made a stiff little dick and I put them on, all three all
put them in a box, shook them up, listened to them fuck.
what to you know- those two like to screw so much i can't get them apart
how all did it start?
from sticking pins sticking tiny, tiny little pins
sticking pins in barbie's tits
sticking pins in barbie's tits
[audience participation]
please bring your titless nippleless barbies to the front stage.
we will supply you with colored straight pins
either blue or red or yellow, depending on your particular fetish this evening
we have bubble yum and i can give you some
either chewed or still in the pack
now ladies, if you don't have a ken-doll with you tonight,
you might check the guy who is sitting next to you
just put your hands between his legs
and if he's got nothing between his legs you got an original ken doll
i suggest you take some of this gum and you form some and have him jump in your box
and have a good time
stick some tiny teeny pins in barbie's tits
i know it sounds silly, a game for little nitwits
i'm sticking pins, sticking pins in barbie's little, little tits
she needs some nips.
in 1959 that was fine...
but we're in the year 2003 i think the girl deserves some nipples
and give ken a dick while your at it - preferably one that will move
oh yeah, and let's give barbie a deeper groove.
went into my bedroom on a saturday
had no place to go and i had nowhere else to play
i looked on my bedroom floor and there was ken and barbie
they had nothing else to do but play with me.
i said to my ken-doll
"lets get barbie naked!"
and we slipped off her little shirt
i scooted off her little navy blue spandex pants
and ken started to flirt
yeehaw!, barbie's naked now
i say ken-doll, there's something missing, don't have a cow
i can fix it, don't you notice
that barbie has no nips
but this is what i'm gonna
i'm gonna do it now
don't freak out, it'll only hurt for a second
i'm gonna stick some pins in barbie's tits...
and barbie's eyes grew wide
and her mouth flew open in surprise
she said, "hey what about him?
what in the hell am i supposed to do
there's nothing on him for me to screw!"
so i took out my bubble gum and i rolled a dick...
and some balls...
and i gave ken some...
and i put ken and barbie in a little box
and it started to rock
they were doing it all day long
i didn't know how to get it to end
when i opened the lid, they were still doing it
i couldn't get them apart
to this very day
they're still screwing
in my box and it was all of my doing
cause i stuck some pins
some tiny, teeny little pins in barbie's tits
i wanna do it again. i wanna
stick some pins in barbie's tits
stick some pins in barbie's tits
i wanna find a virgin doll
make those pins nice and small
stick em' in.
stick some pins...
we should get a big old pen out
and just cram it right between her legs.
sally
yes mother...
how come your doll has ink between her legs?
and how come she's got pins in her breasts?
i didn't do it mom, i have no idea...
maybe she came out of the box that way
i don't think so young lady,
oh, well, isn't it ok?
mommy, this is a dirty barbie
well like, isn't it okay mom?
after all, it is the year 2003,
so... isn't that ok, besides
is there such a thing as a clean barbie?
i thought all barbies were dirty
they pretend to be so practical
yet there little sex fiends
little sex kittens
why mommy, barbie should be punished
mommy, would you get some black leather
i think we should strap her down and spank her
like the bad doll she is mommy!
barbie's evil, naughty she's a sex fiend
she wants it, she told me, she whispered it in my ear
"hello, please strap me down, i'm such a bad little barbie"
and if i say no, do you know what she does?
she gets on my favorite stuffed dog and does it doggy style
i wanna scream but i'm afraid by the time anybody comes in my room
she's gonna be back in her corner all dressed up being very nice
and the minute the door shuts she's on top of my ceramic cinderella doll
that i got from disney world
she's a slut- she wants something hard between her legs and ken doesn't have anything
it's mattel's fault,
they're making nymphomaniacs out of these dolls because
they won't give them a boyfriend with a dick. so they have to lower themselves onto pencils, onto inanimate objects
they have to hump stuffed animals, mother
mother, i think i know what's wrong- let's pull the pins out of her tits
quickly, pull the pins out of her tits, it will make her stop
and she'll be a good doll, i promise
now go sit her in the corner mom
shut the door, and if she doesn't jump on one of my stuffed animals
you won't hear me scream.
but if she's up and she jumps on something, i'm gonna let out a scream so loud and so horrible..
you're gonna have to come in and you're gonna have to burn the damn doll mommy,
because she's possessed- ok, ready mom, pull 'em out
shut the door-
aaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sally, i can't get in
harold, call sally, tell her
HEY SALLY, COME OVER HERE!
i can't get the door open,
oh my god, what's she doing in there?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?
by the time the emt got to the girl's house the doll had pried her legs through her jaw
and she had to have them wired shut
they've got barbie incarcerated now
and in fact, there's 24 hour protective watch around the house
because as the doll said,
"i'm gonna kill that fucking little bitch
who put the pins in my tits"