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August 2001. from Two Louies - Portland, Oregon
by S.P. Clarke
Soup— Sally Tomato, Self-Produced, Many people know of Carlos Marcelin’s brilliant work as guitarist for the band Silkenseed. His brilliance is no less effulgent here. However, let it be said right now that Carlos hit a grand slam home run the day he ran into Sally Tomato. Sally Tomato. Is she the product of Artificial Intelligence? Is she a figment of some deranged scientist’s libidinously twisted mentation? Is she the 21st century uberfrau? Is she all of the above? Indeed she is, and more. Sally Tomato is all of the above and more. Much, much more.
Sally Tomato was born a million years ago on the Jovian moon Io. Her mother was Dorothy Parker. Her father: Lenny Bruce. Her brother is Wild Man Fischer. Her sister is Maggie Roche. Her uncle is Pee Wee Herman. Her aunt is Laurie Anderson. She is the only child of an only child. She created herself in the breakroom of a Goodyear tire factory in Akron, Ohio. She cannot see the color orange. She picks up the signals of high-powered Mexican radio station in the fillings of her teeth. She once helped a chimpanzee to memorize the first three acts of Hamlet. Sally Tomato once ate a jar of Miracle Gro, and it was a miracle! She grew. She once ate dirt and shat a brick. Sally Tomato has three hearts. Sally Tomato once made an asshole disappear. It reappeared in Bogota, Columbia, working for a provisional military junta: which was overthrown the following year. Sally Tomato hears all your thoughts. She writes them down on small pieces of rice paper and sets them afloat upon the Willamette River. Sally Tomato sleeps with one eye open. Sally Tomato is the most original poet/singer/songwriter to hit town since Earl Benson retired. She is hip. She is raunchy. She is totally on the money. She wants to be your Nutty Buddy. That could be a problem. Sally Tomato has a way with words. She is one of a kind. They threw away the mold. Sally Tomato is a fine addition to soups and salads. Ask for Sally Tomato aspic.
Put Sally Tomato on your Christmas gift list. Ask Santa for Sally Tomato. She is not unbreakable. She is not returnable. There are no refunds or exchanges. Do not remove tag. Buy Sally Tomato. Be Sally Tomato. Sally Tomato. She is one of a kind.
And Carlos Marcelin is a truly brilliant guitarist.
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